So you’re probably looking at the collage of pictures thinking… She doesn’t look all that different.. Just a much more flattering photo on the right.
And you’re right. I don’t look THAT different. But I am. The picture on the left was my first ever half marathon. I’m not sure what my weight was, but I’d guess around 190. The middle picture is my second half marathon. I had lost some weight, but had started putting it back on by this point, and I think I was around 170. I’m currently at 151.4. I’ve been stuck in the 150’s since March. I’m about 5″2.
How did I get here? I’m glad you asked.
Between kindergarden and first grade, I packed on a lot of weight. I was a chubby kid with the belly of a forty year old man with a beer habit and no metabolism. It sucked, and I was very aware of how different I looked than all my friends. I think I went on my first diet when I was 11.
I’ve tried a lot of different diets. Nothing really stuck. I read a book called “Skinny Bitch.” It turns out it’s less of a diet book, more vegan propaganda. It fucked me up emotionally, and I was vegan for 6 months… which meant I made and consumed a stupid amount of pasta and vegan cupcakes (which were delicious and full of vegan sugar and other super expensive ingredients.) I ended up going back to dairy, but stayed a vegetarian from May of 2008 until December of 2015. It was a very emotional decision, but I decided to start eating meat again for health reasons.
I’ve tried to just be a normal human person and not eat like a monster (myfitnesspal was a real eye opener to just how much I was consuming.) I’ve had some success, but I’ve mostly had a lot of failure. A few years ago, a friend of mine went on a very strict, very expensive diet called “Ideal Protein.” It worked beautifully for her. I first signed up in 2014 (I think) and I dropped from 190 to 160 in about four months. The diet is extremely strict. You eat one of their packets for breakfast. You eat a packet plus 2 cups of approved vegetables for lunch, and then for dinner you have 2 more cups of vegetables with 8oz of lean protein. At some point during the day, you have one of their packets as a snack. The food comes in packs of 7 for around $28… three packets a day would mean you’d need 3 boxes minimum per week and spend a minimum of $84 per week… but it was working! I would have paid anything (literally- my soul was totally on the market- the devil just didn’t seem interested.)
The way the program works- there are four phases, and what I just described is phase one. Once you’ve reached goal weight, you move on to phase two, then three and four. The whole concept is LOW/NO carb LOW/NO fat and moderate protein. During phase one, you’re not supposed to do any kind of meaningful cardio (but I had already committed to running a half marathon a few months after I started. You’re allowed to work out on the later phases as you reintroduce carbs and basically relearn how to eat. I had expected it to work faster… I thought I would have reached my goal weight (140) in the four months that I was on it. I asked the clinic I was going to if I could phase off so I could start running more (I had been running minimally the whole time… REBEL!) They were NOT supportive of me phasing off. I felt a little bit fat shamed. I tried to phase off on my own, but within a week- I was eating like I was on death row. I had to have everything I had been denying myself. I had to have A LOT of it. The forty pounds came back fast and extremely squishy.
From 2014 to 2016 I bounced around in the 180’s until I basically just gave up and got up to 201. When I saw the starting number of TWO, I had a bit of a break down, and went back to Ideal Protein. It seemed different this time. I walked in with a chip on my shoulder, but the whole staff at the clinic was different… and they were kind and helpful and supportive. The weight was coming back off, even if it was slower than the last time (being over 30 sucks sometimes.) I got down to 158. And then I found out I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. We’ll talk more about that later.
I’ve been attempting to eat a ketogenic diet ever since. In short, Keto is low/no carb, HIGH FAT, moderate protein. Adventures in BACON! With keto and increased exercise, I’ve gotten down to 151.4 (for one glorious moment I was at 150) but I know that I could be working harder/eating better and that I would see better results. So, for now, I’m admitting it. I have a problem. I’m half ass-ing my food choices. I’m not eating gluten or any straight up carbs, but I’m not really tracking/weighing/measuring and I know if I was, I’d see more results.
For now, that’s where I leave you. I’ll tell you all about my adventures with bacon and trying really hard to be body positive later. For now, a rest day. Tomorrow I cross train, and who knows… maybe I’ll track my food and meet my macros, but maybe I’ll eat 11 slices of bacon and feel too ashamed to tell myfitnesspal…. we’ll see.